The-vice

So after having shamelessly delayed all of my china entries save for the one promising them, I have had no choice but to churn out useless filler entries to appease the general masses (Norwegians not included).

Allow me to defend myself, Your Honor, by clarifying that this is due to the advent of the new school year and that most of the time that would have been spent sitting on my bed and sipping apple juice mixed with sprite while mercilessly massaging my keyboard are now spent sitting in a classroom with twenty one other people who would rather be sitting at home on their beds sipping apple juice mixed with sprite and massaging their keyboards. In other words, it's been a productive first month of the new school year.

But every weekend I do get the opportunity to sit down on my bed and pull out my beloved laptop (or Palm, in this case) and catch up on old times, as well as liberate at least forty people of their heads virtually. Of course, most of the time was spent on the latter but now that the recent head pandemic has passed, it now gives us the opportunity to move over to more intellectual entries. (These may include the vague possiblity of Samuel finally producing another entry, but as I said, intellectual discussions please.)

So once again we find ourselves brushing upon the topic of De Thevice, a hypothetical device that boasts the features of all the current portable devices that are relevant to us today, such as the mobile phone (which also happens to be a hybrid device) and the mp3 player and laptop.

But why bring up such a controversial and heretic topic at such a controversial and heretic time?

For those who happen not to own a 360 or Wii (look, it's a fact that we're going to have to face sooner or later, my dear Sony fanboys.), many other devices may have drawn your attention (with the merits of Adobe Photoshop).

Most of them may be hybrid devices, (though it is my strict belief that we should judge them based on their character and not their parentage) such as the PSP, PS3, iphone, and so and so forth and God forbid that Sony every create any thing that doesn't have a name starting with P. Earlier on, a similar attempt to bring two distant devices in holy matrimony ended in a abrupt seperation: The N-gage.

We have yet to see how the iphone performs (hopefully something along the lines of beatboxing), but the PS(P+3) have both failed, or at least not performed as well, in terms of the secondary functions they boasted. In the PS3's case, the features of a home entertainment system (also known locally as the little sister), and in the PSP's case, also an entertainment system, but rather portability instead of resolution ten times higher than anything to be found on the USS Enterprise.

The PS3 failed because of its irrational need for Blu-Ray (still it refuses any help, much to the dismay of its family), a new disc format which capable of holding a lot more than DVDs (in the same fashion where Jean Grey can hold a lot more than the Juggernaut), but because of the already existing popularity of the more masculine DVD (a great apology to all the feminists reading this blog, and a greater enquiry as to why they are reading it). The blu-ray disc also seems to fail in the very area it claims to excel in: resolution. While it may be true that blu-ray holds more than your average RPG character (will the real Link please stand up?), it fails in allowing the human eye to catch up (since the days of being able to project this month's stocks onto a wall using your eyes are still but a dream), since most people agree that there doesn't seem to be any noticeable difference in terms of resolution between DVD and blu-ray. So while blu-ray may be superior to DVD technically, in terms of praticality mother still knows best.

And yet despite the failure of such devices, the market moves increasingly towards the siren-like wails of multi function devices. The mobile phone (or comms droid, if you've decided to pop back into the 20th century to get away from all the nukes) you carry in your hand is a testament to this. Chances are if you aren't playing Snake 2, you've got a camera in your phone. Then after failing miserably at level 250, you proceed to enquire of your friend about a multiplayer bluetooth match. Suddenly the mobile phone is an entertainment device as it is a communication device. (Studies have shown that entertainment and communication are not to be confused, especially if you have a diplomat for a buddy.)

So why is it that the multi function mobile phone (or as everyone calls it today, the mobile phone) has thriven like Soviets in a library, and yet devices such as the N-gage have failed despite their very aim being incoporating multiple functions into one device?

Let's take a look at the problems with the N-gage, as well as other issues that might arise with similar devices:

1. The N-gage can be compared to that of progressive creationism. By compromising in both areas of a phone and a gaming device, it proceeded to flip on its transexual arse and die. The screen was taller than it was wide, which was more of a desirable feature in women than electronics, and the dialing pad was impossible to use without both hands. The original N-gage is also well known for glueing tacos to people's heads: instead of putting the screen to your face as you talked, you had to press the side of the N-gage onto your cheeks (hi there!), leading to great distress and a rapid climb in employment of personal pyschiatrists. So what did the N-gage fail in? User friendliness. By trying to stuff too many features into one device than was possible at the time the N-gage compromised on all of them, as well as user input.

2. As demonstrated in Iron Man's fight with the Hulk battery life is terribly important. And since fuel cells and strange aliens from space that supply infinite energy haven't been discovered yet, we require the use of the Lithium Ion/ Lithium Polymer/ Nickel Ion Battery. So far, these work fine in common devices, lasting about three days, in the case of phones, without charging and several hours for laptops. But what we can see from this is that different devices have different power requirements depending on their features. So while it might be possible to play cell-shaded games on the PSP, you might end up getting defeated by the devious "Low Battery" alert than the final boss' desperation move.

3 Fermat is generally known as a very mean person who enjoyed leaving mathematical dilenmas for the rest of the world to disprove/prove/get infuriated by even after his death, so it's no suprise that a single "o" could change anthing, because format is usually one of the problems when it comes to a portable electronic device. To solve the problem of having different formats for the exact same thing, many companies churn out converters, which usually can't be uninstalled or send adware into your computer like Noah sending chupacabras into the top deck of the Ark.

4. One common thing between women and electronics is that size does matter. Bringing your girlfriend to a bowling alley can be very embarassing without the right kind of girlfriend, especially when it turns out that the bowling alley was in fact your new portable cell phone. It's generally a rule that durability is inversely proportional to size, because as more features get crammed into a device, more components are needed and to keep the little bugger in the palm of your hand the components have to be made smaller, and thus more vulnerable to damage. Size may also affect user accessiblity, as seen in the case of small keyboards.

So what are the features to be desired in The Device?

Read everything that has been written since the numbers started. Now rectify those problems.

But as seen from the failure of the N-gage, we probably won't be getting such devices till the advent of the PS5 (or perhaps when Sony stops naming everything with the suffix of P and a numeral).

But there are also problems with the very concept of a multi purpose device covering all your needs.

Technology is a wonderful thing. Many a method has been devised to protect the IT user from various threats and heresies such as viruses and spam. Norton, however, does not provide protection from the actual physical laws of the universe. F=ma still applies, as does the usual law of “they didn’t see me do it”. Losing a mobile phone at this current time can already be a traumatic experience, so losing possession of your future ultimate device essentially erases your presence from the world, till of course you get another one and provided you backed up all your documents and files. Most shops however, have strict policies about serving non existent customers, so recovery may prove to be slightly difficult.
Losing your device would mean losing access to your bank accounts, your contacts, your clearance to the Bat Mobile, and more importantly, the possibility of someone else obtaining them. And while stronger security devices may be implemented to prevent access of another person’s information, humans, in their infinite creativity (in the presence of caffeine) and adaptability, will always find another way to be a thorn in the arse of the human race.

Funtionality

Over the past few days I've been fooling around (or as the British would say, faffing about) with the multimedia functions of my new phone and I'm been, so far, quite impressed with all the features that can be fit into that little Snickers of a device. But at the end of the day, whether you're a high school teacher or a Republican politician that aims to shut down Rockstar Games, you have to admit that a phone's most ability intense feature is that of the games, in other words, 3D Java applications.

The pre loaded games that you get when you first purchase your phone are no doubt that of mediocre quality. Knowing that there was no way in hell (or Singapore) that I would be able to get the greatest possible enjoyment from playing Multiplay Tennis, I proceeded to an old associate of mine which I call www.mobile9.com.

mobile9.com is about as close to mobile content piracy as you can get, though it's not really piracy because no one actually gets the moolah flowing in from uploading content on mobile9.com, so we prefer to refer to it as sharing, something that used to be quite evident until the Boys in Blue came in and cracked dow-

And now that I managed to find some extra rope in my closet (as well as space, in case they kick about), we can get back to mobile9.com. I proceeded to download every single game with good looking screenshots and then uploaded them shamelessly onto my mobile phone like a poacher in Kenya loading up ivory onto his truck. The problem with the games I found was that most of them were clunky. Splinter Cell didn't give me the feel that I did in the PC version and Aero Mission 3D didn't aim properly. I did, however, find V Rally 3D, which led me to another site called www.mobiletoones.com. (Which also leads me to check the condition of the lock on my closet.)

I would just like to say that I do not have the soundtrack "Stairways to Heaven" and that the temptation to play it backwards has long faded away.

I would also like to appeal to those who have a spare computer monitor.

Mobiletoones.com is amazing. Signing up is required but free (what was that first part again?) 3D games are galore and all wonderfully put the monetary system to deep blushing shame.

Which is where we get to Robot Alliance.

Later.

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After having received my first phone that actually has more memory than that of an Alzheimer's patient or an JRPG protagonist, I've been plunged into the world of multimedia on my cell phone. I'm now able to use my phone as more than just a phone: a radio, a music player, and also a poor man's PSP just in case the MRT overshoots the last stop and the waiting lines upstairs happen to be longer than I expect to be.

Which leads us to one realization:

The lines between different kinds of devices are getting blurrer, which is an odd choice of words because now your cellphone happens to at least have a 2.0 mega pixel camera built into it, and there's really no excuse for that kind of resolution.

It turns out that most electronic devices these days no longer have one purpose, they simply excel more in one than they do the other. This means that one day, the possiblity of an ultimate device which fares equally well in all aspects could very well be in the palm of your hand soon, or in your cerebral cortex, depending on whether the biologists have been going heavy on the coffee or not.

Comments on the tagboard, please.

January 12, 2008
Samuel's Brain

Our losses have been heavy. External Stumili launched an unexpected attack on our main neurons, and everything's a mess now. We were completely taken off guard and word has been received from the Cerebral Cortex that the same thing's happening everywhere.

I only have vague memories of this whole thing happened. I remember Samuel picking up a book at the library called God's Debris, and it completely overturned everything. He now sees matter as the absence of space and vice versa, and simply can't live as a the abnormal person he used to be anymore.

Thankfully, we've been able to regroup and it seems that things are going back to the way they were. It seems that we may finally stand a chan-

Poortability?

So here we have it:

The entry that was written a few days before I embaked on my pilgrimage to the East (thus resulting in a few lawsuits from everyone's favorite anthromorphic monkey), but here it is:

There will be no more colons from this point:

Well, this is just the first entry, and is simply a test of the limits (though some claim that the videos are in fact frauds) of the portable Palm keyboard for the Tungsten T3. And for the total evaluation, I'm suprised to say that I really can't feel much of a difference when typing when compared to my laptop keyboard. There are two possible reasons for this, but I'm quite sure it's all very self explanatory. Although it's not to say the thing is perfect, since, by definition of the word perfect, there are a few quibbles to be had with the portable keyboard.

1. I can't charge my Palm while using the keyboard, for the simple reason that the Palm simply couldn't live with itself if the keyboard found out, or from a more Gradgrinian point of view, the keyboard interfaces with the Palm the way I like it, by plugging into it at the bottom, which coincidentally also happens to be the location of the unmentionable charging slot. So in the end, my Palm is torn between having to choose between being provided for and the fleeting pleasure of being able to type at the same speed as I would on my laptop.

2. Unfortunately, as is the case with most flat things, the Portable keyboard is simply frail. Underneath it's cold hard exterior lies a weakling longing for protection. And while this is due to the fact that the keyboard can be folded up into a case the size of a wallet, you can't help but feel that this keyboard will someday leave you prematurely, and that you should treasure every moment you have with it.

Though the keyboard does earn points for portability and compactness when folded, so in the end, its disadvantages are counterbalanced by whatever weaknesses it may have.

So while we're on the topic, let's talk (or if you tend to have crushes on four eyed beings which spend more time in front of a screen than anything, I will) about the whole concept of portability.

Human beings seem to be completely obsessed with being able to bring things with them (a brief apology to all the parents on the planet) wherever they go. Of course, this wasn't really much of a possiblity until the wheel was invented, but then most people didn't like the idea of having to Tour De France just to keep an error message on the screen and the SPCA had strict rules regarding hamsters, so we had to wait till the battery was invented.

The first kind of real portable computer (Not those wishy washy holographic versions) ran on AA batteries, and could last for an hour or so before ceasing to provide all sorts of wonderful error messages. But at that point of time, it was considered a wonderful breakthrough, because you could now enjoy error messages on the go, and would never have to do so in the comfort of your own home.

All was well and splendid till some genius came up with the idea of using rechargeable batteries which were only avaliable for fifty dollars or so, but could provide up to two hours of error messages. And so the market for portability exploded, and managers could now give you forty times your normal workload, because having to travel long distances was no longer in the way of getting more work done.

But of course, as our favorite uncle with a vocabulary of one sentence once (alright, once may be understating it a little) said, With great power comes great responsiblities.", Which brings us to one of the problems with portability: Power sources. Most laptops these days can usually only stay awake for about three hours on average, with higher end laptops being able to frustrate you for five hours or so, but most laptops still being in the regions of two hours or so. But with human beings' ability to adapt to all sorts of wome- situations, power plugs are now the most dominant species on Earth, though I still don't trust them.

Another problem, as mentioned before when discussing the Portable Keyboar- hold on a second... the U goes here... Shift key goes here... Alright, where was I? But more importantly, where'sthespacebar? You can see my point here. Portability results in a drastic drop of (this may not be the best choice of words on a plane...) strength and durability, especially if something was not specifically designed to be portable, then is suddenly dragged onto the porto bandwagon.

Occasionally, portability also shoves convenience and user friendliness off the wagon, such as reducing (I mean upgrading of course) to a pocket calculator, such that typing is only possible with your thumbs, thus making a lot of other species of creatures very angry at the wretched humans.

So why do so many foolish humans insist on making things portable? Morpheus is getting very concerned...

Well, for obvious reasons, of course. I mean, seriously. What sort of question is that? I mean, you can carry it around with you...

Well, for starters, it makes your devices more personal. You can now spend more time with them, and use what would be otherwise wasted time on the train to get that new game +, or type your letter of resignation. Our choices of what we want to accomplish are no longer limited by distance and postion, because we now bring our tools with us. You'll notice that the longer someone uses a device, the more information goes into the device and the more personal it becomes. It almost becomes a part of that person, which brings us to our next question:

Red pill or Blue pill?